grows in a bush

Frankly my dear...

Your mother never thought of me. She thought it was my duty to raise her. Yes it was but it was not my duty to give her my life. My life is my own has a place in it. Your mother felt she had the right to live and I had the duty to slog. Yes I slogged but not because she could wave her accusing finger at me. Not because she could turn around and tell me that it was supposed to do all that for her that I owed it to her cause I had her.

Your mother …she never felt that I can have a life of my own and I could if I wanted to and I had the opportunities …if I wanted to I could have done things for myself ...I could have had the pleasure of enjoying life for myself. But I did not …I think I made a mistake because she took it for granted and turned her back on me. She felt I owed it to her…she turned her back on me when she found her own two feet.

I threw away my life for her…I don’t think I had to do it just because I had her. I could have left her abandoned her given her away …told her to shut up...kept her waiting at night changed homes randomly…changed partners when I wished. But I did not …and you keep this in mind…don’t throw your life away for some ungrateful children. Keep your life in your hand…let them fit in. They can.. they will …you will end your life or else you will loose your all. Loose your all.

Now why did you come here? Your daughter’s marriage? Which one is this?

Random lines

He was showing her his childhood pics – on her request.
“You were so cute –love that curly mop. U turned into such a freak”
“Don’t call me that”
“F-r-e-a-k”
“I said don’t call me that”
“What will u do?”
“I will kiss you.”
She stared at him and let it out slowly and softly, “freak”.

Of late you prefer to get off the car with a hurried kiss and a warm goodbye and take confident steps towards the school gate, one hand clutching the small lunch bag. I watch you till you disappear into the crowd.

As your selfhood gets more pronounced you leave me feeling tender with memories of a tiny little bundle being dropped off at the day care...tearful goodbyes ... joyous reunions at pick up time...surge of emotions as i held you close to me just as it was the first time.

Time to step back a bit and savour these moments before they are gone in a wink.

The wait

Battered I stand at your door, knocking timidly
Waiting anxiously for your footsteps
There is darkness all around and in my heart

Wisecrack

You fall in love just once
every other time you just imitate.

It hurts no more

It hurts no more
Just a dull ache in your heart
A choking in your throat
You know the feeling will pass
Ease away with tears
It hurts no more
When you're ‘comfortably numb’.